lordlad's Blog - Days gone bye...

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Change the world or change for the world...

I've been thinking a lot lately about my current career path...that is in the field of IT Support. Currently, I am a SL1 Support Engineer in Deutsch Bank, holding the title of 'Team Lead'. It all sounds dandy and it's anything but that. My job, essentially, is to support the IT infrastructure of all the bank employees, be it director, presidents or the lowest associates..... Unfortunately, most of the people starts to widen the aspect of 'IT' and starts to make me do things i'm not suppose to do.

Move furniture.

Carry PC.

Setup HP (!!??? WTF??!!)

Help the overseas IT support (that apparently, as far as i know, is an IT illiterate and earn twice the salary)

My Dad did not spend thousands of dollars on my education and i did not 'waste' decades of my life studying just to move furniture. Just to carry PC from point A to Point B. I am an IT Support. NOT a phone Support. Call fucking Singtel/Starhub/M1 !!! If the overseas IT support do not know what to do, i am GLADLY available to help. For once. For twice. NOT EVERYTIME!!! They might as well give half of their paycheck to me.

All these bullshit really makes me think hard for my future. And the final nail in the coffin is when during once of the department move, i was in the meeting where they discussed the different furniture going to be distributed to the different departments. The comment that pissed me off is when they said the traders will get the better furniture, if there were any leftover, then the IES (basically IT dept) can choose. Sons of bitches !!!!

The effort i put in my studies & work is no less than those business graduates, and yet, those fresh business grads are already getting more paycheck than me. Why am I 'punished' because i choose to study IT? It's not fault!! I study IT not because it's my interest, but because it's the subject i hate the less after O level. And basically i am going to pay the price for a wrong choice i made eons ago. I might get Distinction for my Final Year project, i might be a living IT knowledge base, able to solve the toughest programming code and able to slough 16 hours a day and yet i am earning less than them for their half the effort.

I begin to realized, that the money makers were not the creators, the one that 'know stuffs', but rather the ones that know 'manage stuffs'. Microsoft may be the richest company in the world but i bet Bill Gates has nothing to do with any coding in the latest version (or any version since Windows 98), yet him (and the stockholders) were the one getting the fat paycheck, getting the fruits of the labor while the REAL creators (programmers, bug testers, support) will continue to slough and yet not recognized and getting the reward they deserved.

I want to be achieve a certain personal assets level.

I want to attain a certain society status level.

And IT is not the path for that. At least not IT Support (and programmers, testers, administrators, system engineers, web designers, etc).

I can't change the world to appreciate the IT line. I can't change the world. And so i will change FOR the world.

So that does it, i am switching line. Not now of course. But i give myself 2 - 3 years. I am switching to business. Fortunately, i have nothing to lose. Both my parents were working and certainly can live (quite sparingly i might add) without my monthly 'miserly' allowance. I have no life partner, no kids, no nothing. I definitely am still 'young' (age 25 as of this writing..not 'fresh grad' young but definitely needs more roughing) so can just abandon everything start from scratch. And i am. Currently I am taking a Degree in IT & Business but the IT part is definitely in my back burner. Of course, nobody can succeed in business just by studying and in fact, i am getting this degree just for the paper, not the knowledge because the 'educationing' of business starts in the real world, not in tutorials or textbook.

It's a tough road ahead. But i'll pull through. I'll fall down but i'll stand up again. I'll fail but i've been failing all my life so one more isn't a big deal. But i'll come back. I will be in business. Those people that looks down on me will bite their own tongue. It'll be a long rough path but i'll make it. DON"T wish me luck. I don't believe in luck. I don't believe in luck (or god for that matter). I believe in myself. I am the miracle. And i will perform it on myself.

Till then...

Out.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Thou shalt sin........for thou has taste the forbidden fruit

Months without an official updates on my blog and the first time i did, it's a confession.

And yah....I have a confession to make.

I have sin.

That is, i've let my 'friends' lead me to the world of lust, booze and bust.

What art thou, you asked? Read on....




So it's a friday casual night. It's knockoff time. Time for me to relax, to visit Kino every weekly and buy my usual dosage of comic books. But then, this friday is abit different. One of my colleagues suggested me to follow them on one of their 'happy hour' trip. I thought 'why not? It's been AGES (half a decade actually) since i actually visit those nightly sights. The comics could certainly wait for a few days'. And so i followed them. And thus, my path of lust begins....


'Ok, so.......it's a trip to Geylang?' is the only thing in my mind when we reached the destination. Okay, we are certainly NOT going to visit any brothel but then just somewhere near, one of those 'KTVs' that is.....but take note, this is certainly not the K-BOX ktv and certainly not one of those that i'll ever dare venture on. My colleague ask me to bring some 'spare cash' and initially, i was bewildered by that. 15 minutes inside the 'KTV', i finally knew the purpose of those 'spare cash'.....

The initial first few minutes, i just pick a song and sing. Not much difference from any KTV, just more smell of booze and ciggerettes. But when the first female just came in to our room out of nowhere and sit right next to one of my colleague, i knew what i was into. 5 minutes later, more ladies came in. One by one, they sited beside us. Initially, i rejected one of the ladies. But lo and behold, after succumbing to peer pressure, one lady is already at my side, pouncing on me like a wolf eyeing on its prey. I was trying hard to sing the song but the temptation kicks into overdrive. Plus, i was really curious about the 'whole procedure'. Let it be known to all that read this blog that i am STILL a virgin (at age 25 as of 2007) with NO experience of hanky panky whatsoever (NEVER had a gf before and i really don't care). So when she started to go touchy, i decided to go with the flow of the game. I touched her bum, then her bust and when she decided to go with the lips part, i said in my heart 'Hell fuck? Why not?'.

So yeah, she kissed me and i kissed her.

And then she did the tongue on me, and i of course did it on her too.

Mind you, this is as far as it goes.

After that, she made the excuse to leave but promised she'll be back. I knew she's probably going to serve other 'prospective clients' next door so i allowed her to leave while i made my trip to the gents............to rinse my mouth.


There you go, my virgin kiss, gone with winds, gone with the whore (as if anybody cares).

After that, i went back to the room. While my other colleagues started to go more 'happy' with the other girls, i just sit there and continue my singing session, pretending to look hack care while they do whatever they do with the ladies.


Throughout the whole 4 hours+ session, i was singing most of the time while them lechers just continue their thing. 'My girl' never came back (thanks goodness) until when the place is gonna close. She apologised for not 'attending' to me and said of the excuse that it's friday night (the exact reason maybe that there are more clients the next door but whatever!). I know it's transaction so i paid her $20. She gave me a kiss again followed by another half heartedly tongue which i pretend to enjoy (but really reject with disgust). It's not definitely not money well spent....but for a first time experience, this is definitely 'rewarding'.......definitely much more 'enlightening' then watching those on TV and read on books.


When i return home that night, the first thing i did is to brush my teeth and also take a good bath to clean off the filth. After that, i was feeling extremely pathetic....that my genesis kiss is given that to a fucking #$%#^^%. I really feel ashame of myself. Don't get me wrong, i'm no men of righteous morals nor am i a fan of fantasy romantism but this is something that's definitely not to be proud of.


So now i am here, typing my infamy of shame, wondering can time be turned back. But heck, what the FUCK!!! I'll get it over. Yes, i am pathetic. Yes, no real decent girls want me. But now, at an old age of 25, i no longer have that dreams of romantic love or whatnot. Whores or not, fuck it all to hell. From now on, i turn my mind to my career, my studies, and of course, to the big fat $$$$. All other matters can shit to HELL for all i care!..


And so till the next entry,

out.